Kill Monsters in the Rain (Steel Train)

 

It’s been almost two weeks since the last post, so… I decided to ‘cheat’ and go with a music post. Everything I’ve been drafting lately feels to heavy or uncomfortable, thoughts that aren’t developed enough to put into coherent words. They’ll come along.

Mostly I love this song just because it’s a bit quirky, and the title captured my imagination immediately. Steel Train is definitely one of my favourite bands. This particular track has a very anthemic feel (I love this) and a rich sense of drama. It’s a song you can really disappear into, and I frequently do–in good and bad moods.

I love listening down to that driving drum track, delighting in the changes between chorus, verse and bridge. The song is so rich when you listen through all the layers.

Below is an analysis of the lyrics as they apply to me. You might get a completely different story, and I’m sure the writers intended something else as well! To me, though, it picks up on that sense of being ‘other’ that I’ve had ever since I can remember. Knowing that there was something I wasn’t getting right, something that held me back from fitting in with other kids.

The song tells the story of too many friendships I’ve had in my life. Not all of them, don’t worry–and none who are currently in my life. My friends now are an amazing group of people who don’t just accept that I’m going to say or do weird things–they build on them with me.

Kill Monsters in the Rain — Steel Train.

Come and save me, come on down from that hill
Where you sleep, no more do you ever have to dream

Come down here, join me. Come see the world like me, in full and fantastic colour. Where everyone has at least a little goodness and the smallest thing could be the twist that ends the universe. I want to show you, I want you to understand–come see what I see.

Together we can, together we’ll
Kill monsters in the rain
We are the same, what a mess you made

Come run with me like we’re escaping zombies, press against walls like secret agents. We’ll make our own language and slay dragons in our spare time. Together. It’s lonely out here. You can be the one to understand.

Hide in the cupboard, behind the soap boxes and..
Your mom, will never see us lying, hiding awake
Together we can, together we’ll
Kill monsters in the rain
We are the same, what a mess you made

No one needs to know, no one else understands. They don’t see it, let me show you! Let’s jump the cracks in the concrete, sing with imperfect voices… just because we can. Because we can move, because we can make noise, because it’s fun and we want to.

Do you belong here in my world? I think you do–I can get you here. You just have to believe. Accept. Forget what the world wants you to be, and be you. Be you with me. Love, even when it’s hopeless. Hope against all odds. Fight for what you hold true. I’m here, I’ll fight with you.

I was cold, in line
Picked out, backed down
Fucked up, out of love
Out of time, I fell
I’m never going back again..!..

I waited, aware, different and strange. A sign above my head marked me as the odd one. I spoke of things they didn’t see, didn’t believe. I wasn’t cool, or trendy, or any of the things I needed to fit. Out of sync with the world, and I’ve been waiting still. Waiting for someone to join me here. Can you? Can you come enjoy my world with me?

Come and save me, I’ll climb on up your hill
We don’t sleep, no more life lived like a dream

Maybe you won’t… maybe you can’t. I’m coming to you instead. It has to be this way.

Together we can, together we’ll
Kill monsters in the rain
We are the same, what a mess you made

There must be something up here, something you see that I don’t. Show me. Show me what your life is like and how to be like you. Show me all the things I don’t know, don’t get, show me where I’ve been going wrong all this time. Teach me. I need to be taught.

Show me the rules to follow, the ways to dress. What should I think, what should I do? What’s the formula for a good life? I promise I’ll never go back. I’ll be perfect. I’ll walk and talk without pretending I’m in a movie, I’ll enjoy things that are normal. You can approve them! That way I can’t go wrong… right?

I’ll never go back. I’ll hold myself still, just let me into your world with its greys and browns.

I was cold, in line
Picked out, backed down
Fucked up, out of Love, out of time
The you were, then you smiled

You took me, taught me, and I tried. I failed… so many times. Even here with so many people, I couldn’t be like them. With all your teaching, I was never enough to belong. The colour always beckoned, a quirky thought voiced and I was outside once more.

So you gave up on me. I’m not of this world, so you kicked me from it.

And again and again and I fell
Open eyes, I did see that ghost, that soul..
Was buried alive, and I swore
I’d never see that place again…!!!…

I couldn’t go back to where I came from. I’ve lost the freedom I had, my coloured world stained in your brown and grey. My soul lies buried under your rules, smothered in expectations. Guilt from failure, a burning wish to return to where you are and succeed.

I’ve forgotten who I am. I warped myself to fit and the damage has stuck. What do I do now? I have nowhere, nothing, I don’t belong. Even in my own mind. I don’t recognise myself.

Perhaps I can find someone to join me here in this mottled world of drab and colour. Monsters still lurk in the grey rain, after all.

Together we can, together we’ll
Kill monsters in the rain
We are the same, what a mess you made
Oh we are the same, what a mess we’ll make

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